SKRULL: <Definition> Credit: Urban Dictionary
Begin Transmission: 8/26/2013
This is a warning Heroes, at any moment..on any second, anyone of us can be replaced by a Skrull! These shape shifting beings are very convincing and often act and look exactly like the human that they mimic. Skrull’s however if you look close enough and long enough you can see that there are glaring differences in behaviors and actions that give away a Skrull’s true self..As a demonstration we must observe several human beings who have been discovered to be Skrull’s.
1. Amanda Bynes: Skrull
Star of The popular kids show The Amanda Show, and numerous comedy films such as “Love Wrecked”, and “She’s The Man” it is clear that the true Amanda Byne’s we know was destroyed by Skrull’s and replaced during the filming of the atrocious Hairspray movie in which she portrayed Penny Pingleton? Her Skrull counterpart however did not follow up on her girl next door demeanor and began a trail of outlandish behavior from starring on the cover of Maxim magazine, to drunken behavior, DUI’s, run ins with human law enforcement officials. The jig is up Bynes!
2. KENNY ROGER’S: SKRULL
Sometimes even the best shape shifter cannot get it right. Such as the case with Country Music Legend Kenny Rogers. The known date of Skrull abduction for Mr. Rogers was during his appearance on the Muppett show not long after the release of his classic song “The Gambler”. His SKRULL impersonator was apparently vision impaired an never regained the true appearance of this legend in the music industry and thus began the rumored “Plastic surgery” debacle. Sorry fake Kenny, us here at the Satellite know an imposter when we see one!
3. DAVID HASSLEHOFF: SKRULL
This ones obvious. Skrull Hoff took over during the filming of Knight Rider the episode that had KITT vs. The evil Transport truck Goliath and Micheal Knights evil counterpart Garth. I believe Hasslehoff was abducted during the collision scene and never seen again. Skrulls took over at this point and are responsible for BayWatch, his music video from Germany and his presence on Americas Got Talent. Oh that was a Skrull eating the burger while drunk as well immortalized on YouTube. Garth Hoff is actually full Skrull and is what you see today!
Hoff is the only Hollywood human to escape the Skrulls and is actually running an underground resistance deep in L.A. Hoff may save us all!
4. Tom Cruise: SKRULL
Everyone remembers Americas golden Boy, The star of Such classics as Risky Business, Top Gun, and Cocktail. Tom Cruise was Hollywood’s brightest star. However Skrull abduction reared its ugly head and stole our Tom from us. We are uncertain of the timing of the Cruise abduction however we can be certain it was between the timing of The 1st Mission Impossible film and his couch jumping incident on Oprah. Yes a sudden shift raised eyebrows as gone was the heartthrob and in his place, a demented, Scientologist, who made horrible movies, made outlandish comments on the internet and became generally reviled to the rest of the world. Cruise may be the highest ranking of The Skrull army still under cover here on earth and he remains heavily guarded. Oh he also divorced Nicole Kidman. Anyone see Eyes Wide Shut? Only a Skrull could be so crude.
As Oprah said “We have never seen you behave this way!!” SKRULL!!
Conclusion: SKRULL (Be extra cautious, this Cruise is a high ranking part of the Skrull Armada)
5&6. Alan Moore/Frank Miller: SKRULLs!
Every alien race needs a scribe. These men are Alan Moore and Frank Miller. The Watchmen and Dark Knight Returns were two pieces of comic book fiction that every comic fan is at least familiar with..to the Skrull however this is their bible. Which makes sense that both Moore and Miller were abducted at the same moment of their Graphic Novel releases. Alan Moore a relative hermit and a loner is actually Frank Miller as well…at least since the abduction. Both men are never seen in the same location as the same Skrull plays both human roles. Think of the Skrull like activity that surrounds them. Miller is responsible for The horrible Dark Knight Strikes Back! Only a Skrull would sabotage such a historic sequel is such a hideous manner! Only a fool would pass up a ton of money to NOT do a Watchmen sequel! We were left with the insanely bad Before Watchmen. Pure Skrull Sabotage! While on the Skrull home world both Miller and Moore have been forced to write and draw monthly issues of Watchmen and Dark Knight forever! Keep a close eye out for the Miller/Moore Skrull he only appears randomly at remote locations.
7. Ultimate Warrior: SKRULL!
The least surprise of the entire list. Skrull watchers out there have always known there is something more than a little off with The Ultimate Warrior. Now we know..hes a mother lovin SKRULL. With his weird other worldly promos Warrior the REAL Warrior went missing just after WrestleMania 7 and people scoured Parts Unknown for his where a bouts until a replacement SKRULL Warrior returned at WtestleMania 8 and stayed! He was noticeably different in size and look and many thought what we all know is true…he was replaced by a SKRULL!! Warrior went on to go to appear in WCW with new “Powers”. Suddenly he gained invisibility and teleportation powers and the ability to generate smoke all around him. If this does not sound Skrullish..I do not know what does! The real Warrior has not returned as of this writing but many experts assume he is fighting in the gladitorial pits on the Skrull home world and fitting in quite nicely with his own kind!
Here’s Warrior’s Invisibility powers on display!!
8. Mary Hart: SKRULL
Every race needs someone to be their spokes person. Little did we know that for years the propaganda leader was MARY FN HART!! The Co-Host of Entertainment Tonight entered our living rooms nightly for years and seemingly didnt age! Thats because of her shape shifting abilities. Spreading the word and providing covers for celeb Skrull’s like Tom Cruise. Hart was instrumental in giving the Skrull nation the cover they needed to infiltrate society! As her cover was blown by the media stumbling on the to anti aging abilities Hart used the cover of having her body..namely her legs insured..but the game was up at that point and Mary Hart disappeared back to the Skrull home world.
1 & 2. Ben Affleck /Matt Damon: Super Skrulls
Infiltration is a key a key piece of Skrull business, and two of their under cover operatives have been found out. Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, two uncomfortably close bro’s with an agenda. I would like to quote when these men were replaced by Skrull agents only the suspiscion is that they have never existed and were creations of the Skrull Hollywood task force specifically assigned to enter the Hollywood scene abruptly and take over. Their mission considered a success by all Skrull informers as Ben landed the role of Batman in a future Superman / Batman movie. This sent Skrull shockwave’s through Skrull watchers all over the globe who still struggle with finding proof to stop their invasion. Damon showcased his ability to gain intelligence for the Skrull army by learning the role of Jason Bourne for the Bourne series of spy movies. During the filiming he pressed for intelligence secrets as well as using the role to enhance their knowledge of human spy activity. Affleck apparently used his movie ARGO..which was about the making of a science fiction movie to infiltrate a foreign country to place himself in the upper deck of Hollywood’s notables while studying tips on how to infiltrate the Middle east!
Be on guard heroes, a Skrull could be anywhere and their Secret Invasion is finally becoming apparent..not sure how long before a Skrull at Word Press removes this post but let this be a warning to those who want to save the human race..heed our warning and be careful around any celebrity type..you never know..they may be a SKRULL..
Any Skrull sightings contact me on Twitter @Charlton_Hero and use #SuperHeroSatellite …
Thx Heroes! Till next time..